Here is to you…

I did a series of posts on facebook that has to do with my daily commute to work and the things I see on the road.  This is a post that gives tribute to all of the different type of drivers there are out there.  Here is to you, fellow drivers on the road.

  • Here is to you Road Warrior. The driver who is so skilled that he can fly pass you in blizzard conditions.  The one that can blaze new paths through the snow.  The one that has cheetah like reflexes that allow them to ride your bumper on a sheet of ice.  Here is to you…  Here is to me laughing at you later when later you have to call a tow truck because you smashed into a side rail.  I am just glad that this time, the road warrior was the ONLY car involved.  Slow down, drive safe and don’t try to shave time off your commute.
  • Here is to the Road Ninja (not to be confused with the road warrior mentioned earlier).  Here is to your ability to be able to see where you are driving through a scrapped off a 4 X 4 inch area in your wind sheild.  I applaud your ability to drive down the road with little to no visiblity because of frost or snow covering your windows.  There is no way that I could identify you because your car has now become like a nijia’s robe, hiding your identity.
  • Here is to the Parking lot VIP.  (Not the road warrior, or the road ninja.)  Here is the to mom/dad that believes their job, and kids classes are so much more important that everyone Else’s in the parking lot.  Here is to their ability to stopping two lanes of traffic as they push to the front of the line.  I admire their ability to nose their car into a spot that brings the entire drop off well oiled machine to a complete halt.  Then sitting there and watching their kids enter the building while forcing all the parents behind them to admire how important they must be.  Here is to saving 5 minutes off your drop off time, and adding 5 minutes to everyone Else’s.  Thanks for sharing.
  • Here is to the Pole-Position jockey.  You know who you are. You are the one with mad signal less lane changes.  The one who can maneuver to the front of any line of traffic.  Here is to your ability to always be number one, and the number of other drivers that have to use their mad break skills, and read your mind.  Here is up being the leader of the imagined pack,
  • Here is to the traffic grand marshal.  Here is to their ability to make the car pool or fast lane turn into a parade of cars.  Here is to their ability to force everyone else in their lane to go the speed limit, or under the speed limit.  You are a self appointed police officer.  Thanks for making me a law abiding citizen.  Here is to your ability to make everyday a holiday and start a parade.
  • Here is to the Road Jedi.  We have all driven with a road jedi at some time and have not really felt their high midi-chlorian counts.  They are the drivers that can force you to do things while you are driving.  They can force you to either move over or speed up depending on how close they are to you.  They can also force you to move when they change lanes without using a turn signal.  They have the knack and ability to force you to drive like they want you to drive, or to get you out of their way.  Oh, to be one with the force, maybe some day.
  • Here is to the Highway Primper.  Here is to your ability to use objects while driving that would cause injury to anyone else.  Here is to your ability to use razors, tweezers, and mascara brushes without causing injury to yourself.  I am amazed at the skill you show while driving on the freeway, or while parked at intersections.  To have the ability to put sharp objects around your eyes, nose, and throat amazes me.
  • Here is the the Road Self Promoter (RSP).  Here is to your ability to take the vanity plate one step higher.  Instead of limiting yourself to a few measly characters you have expanded it to your back window.  “26.2, 13.1, Ragnar 2008, Ragnar 2009, Ragnar 2010, Ragnar 2011, Ragnar 2012”  We get it, you like to run, and you are very fit.  I am going to put 292# in my back window.
  • Here is to you, independent geriatric.  Here is to your ability to ignore slow response times, failing vision, and loss of hearing.  Here is to your ability to let the world know how independent your really are.  I am amazed by yoru ability at driving a car when you can only see between the hole in the steering wheel and dash board.  I also admire your ability to realize you are not what you were 70 years ago and slow traffic to a crawl.
  • Here is to you Mr./Mrs./Miss. Universe.  Here is to your ability to make the universe shrink to the inside of your car every time you get into it.  Here is to your ability to make you the center of the universe when you are in an automobile.  I applaud your ability to block out everything but the universe you live in, and the others around you.  I admire the fact that you feel comfortable enough i…n your own universe to pick your nose, because of course no one else matters, especially the person parked next to you.  And heck, by all means travel from the left lane to exit in one very quick hurried motion, because the signs advertising the exit were not part of your universe for the last 5 miles.  (BTW, if you have seen me pick my nose in my car, just forget it happened.  And no, those are not the droids you are looking for.)
  • Here is to the Glass Slipper Driver.  I applaud the driver that tries to put their car into places, just like the step sisters in Cinderella do with their feet and the glass slipper.  Here is you you being able to put your car into a car length gap on the freeway.  Your ability to squeeze into a parking stall that allows you to exit your car but others are now unable to get into their already parked cars.  Here is to your ability to find a way to put your car where it really should not fit.
  • Here is the the Flare Master.  Here is to your ability to take an accessory and push its limit.  Here is to your ability to take the vanity plate one level higher by adding custom bumper stickers, and window stickers.  Because, the im cool license plate is just not enough.  Here is to your ability to find items at the local auto parts store to attach to your car to give it the you feel.  Window tint strips, fuzzy dice, custom spinning wheels, stick on racing stripes, dice air valve covers…  Here is to your ability to find ways to spend money to make your car unique.  Just stay way from attaching them with gorilla glue or duct tape.
  • Here is to you The Classifier.  Here is to your ability to see someone, know what they are thinking and put them into a driver category you have arbitrarily created.  Here is to your ability to judge drivers around you and make a generalization and put all other drivers into their little box.

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